If It Was Green, Then I’ll Replace It

i-518f596ffdfc00b81ed3b54ba81d92ce-Eddie3.jpgHere’s a translation of one of my first brushes with absurdism, Swedish rocker Eddie Meduza’s 70s song “Va den grön så får du en ny” (original lyrics here with ugly popups).

If It Was Green, Then I’ll Replace It
By Eddie Meduza

I’d bought myself a vacuum flask
In a store down in Målilla
It was real pretty until I poured coffee into it
But then it broke into pieces

So I called Mr. Chin
He’s the man with the store
(You see, he’s got a really big chin)
And I told him, my flask is busted
Do they come with a guarantee?

Yeah, said Mr. Chin, gravelly and really slowly
He was speaking really slowly and gravelly
Son, if it was red, then you’re out of luck
But if it was green, then I’ll replace it
(You see, he only ever replaced green goods)

Then I told Mr. Chin
I grieve greatly and am forlorn (as they say)
The vacuum flask was green like a summer lawn
It was such a poetic thing to say that he started to cry

In a choking voice he told me, I’m gonna give you two new flasks
I’ve got a couple sitting around the store room
That they’ve paid me insurance money for
And both of them are green

You can’t get a replacement for red vacuum flasks but green ones will get replaced, replaced, replaced if you like if you buy them from Mr. Chin in Målilla that is.


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