April Pieces Of My Mind #3

Białowieża Forest

• Apparently Uncle Vladimir has found some sensational new source material that demonstrates that the Katyn Massacres were’t perpetrated by the Russians, after all! I guess the official Russian acceptance of responsibility in 1990 was simply incorrect.
• I know several guys who have had way more sex than many famous rock stars. These men have probably outfucked Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison and Brian Jones by a lot. Their method? I bet you’d like to know… OK, here’s the trick: instead of dying at 27, you get married, and then you enjoy conjugal relations with your lady wife a couple of times a week for several decades!
• Call me an extremist, but I really don’t think Semitic-speaking monotheist civilians in the East Mediterranean should be mass-murdered by terrorists or the military.
• The Palm Tree Building in Łódź opened in 1956 and preserves trees that had previously grown in the private green houses of industrialists and Czarist officials. The glass building has repeatedly been expanded to accommodate growing trees, until nothing remains of the 1950s structure. But the tallest trees are still in their original places.
• My friend asked me to play boardgames on 1 May. Unusually for me, I had to reply “Sorry, I’ll be protesting against the government most of Wednesday”.
• Dude contacts me because he’s watched a YouTube clip and has picked up some folk pseudohistory about his home area. Shows me his family tree which has him descending from a fictional regional ruler. When I tell him I think that’s just imagination, he asks me to explain why I “assume” so. “Hello professional research scholar, please deliver a detailed critique of the amateur theory I believe in.” I just blocked him, can’t be bothered, not my job.
• Bong is a Swedish brand for canned soup. Can you smoke a bong when it’s filled with pork & pea soup?
• For all of you who play a lot of the 1984 video game The Ancient Art of War, here’s an exploit. Military units have a fatigue number that is independent of their size. When you combine two units, they all get the fatigue number of the first unit you specify. So prior to a battle, just drop off one guy as a unit of his own. Send the other 39 into battle, which makes them fatigued, then add them back to the single guy’s non-fatigued unit. Boom, everybody’s fresh again.
• My buddy donated his Landrover to the Ukrainian army. The other day they sent him a picture of what it looked like after a Russian drone hit it. Everybody travelling in the car survived, thanks to a quick manoeuvre that caused the thing to explode under the Landrover, not inside it. But the driver suffered several broken bones.
• Got five gigs lined up in May: Siena Root, Acid King, Norlin & Teglund, Mick Harvey, Year of the Goat.
• Having listened to a documentary about Salman Rushdie, I feel moved to express what I believe is the majority position in Scandinavia. To whit, that all gods and devils are fictional characters, there is no afterlife, and you might as well pray to Bilbo Baggins.